7 Steps to Transforming Negative Thinking & Beliefs
I am in the process of upgrading my life substantially right now.
I’m interviewing top coaches to hire and to help me grow and expand personally and professionally.
I am moving to a gorgeous new apartment with huge city and mountain facing windows, in a city that is more exciting for me with much more going on and lots of natural beauty.
I am becoming more serious about finding a life partner and expanding and upgrading my social circle, to be more in alignment with my highest values.
As I share with my clients, when we turn the light on our greatest desires, we’re gonna see what was hiding in the dark. Those things get to be peeled like an onion—what no longer fits.
As The Integrative Wellness Expert at Miraval resort, I created a class called “Transforming Pain Through Conscious Attention and Love.” In it, I referred to a book by Dr. John Sarno on how to heal back pain.
Dr. Sarno headed the rehabilitation department at Cedars Sinai in NYC for many years – as an MD, he scientifically revealed that 99% of back, neck, shoulder pain is related directly to emotions.
In the midst of all this change, I had a few stormy days where I was struggling with emotions of self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and deep unworthiness that goes way back…
Then I started getting very painful neck and shoulder spasms.
Then, after that, my lower back went out. I knew these were clues about parts of me that needed my attention.
So I re-read Dr. Sarno’s small book “Healing back pain” and did a few rounds of EFT (emotional freedom technique) to drop into the new layer of childhood shame, up for healing. I also used these 7 steps listed below.
There is a reason that people give up on their dreams, or get stuck and don’t know what to do – I have seen both personally & professionally that it is frequently due to childhood neglect or trauma and false beliefs we formed as a result. Those false beliefs then create strategies we use to feel safe. We outgrow those strategies when we are ready to go to new levels within ourselves, and in the world.
I have a background in psychology but what I love about coaching is that it asks you questions: Lots of questions.
It helps you get out all the things sitting there between you and what you want.
There are exercises, assessments, meditations, and most of all there is genuine care by your coach – the right coach – who helps you see things you could not see alone.
To have someone walk with you and be there as you find your own way, while offering guidance, feedback and encouragement is pretty much priceless.
You can’t see through the clouds of what you don’t know are there, and that’s what keeps you stuck. That’s one reason why we hire coaches.
This goes deep, and yet it isn’t therapy. It isn’t for doing the first round of acute trauma work. But it can support removing old false beliefs, when you’re ready to be a changemaker in your own life.
We see the changes we want, we can even know they are coming, but our unconscious fears often put up a fight.
That’s Ok with me. I can love them. I can hold them, and work with them in the ways I listed above, but also in the many ways I work with my clients, listed below.
False beliefs are just that - false - and they cause a lot of unnecessary detours if not faced. We Can Do It Afraid. Then we see the fear was not a reason to hold us back
False beliefs cause us pain… they cause us to walk in the wrong directions if we’re not aware, and to pass up opportunities that would better our lives and the lives of others.
7 Steps To Transform Negative Beliefs
Notice when you are feeling badly, reacting instead of responding, and thinking negatively about yourself or a situation.
For example, getting really emotional, discouraged, stuck, sad, angry—not coming from your aligned wise self.
2. Pause. Slow way down. Get fully present, in the room and in your body.
3. Breathe: 3 slow deep belly breaths. In and out through your nose.
4. Identify with the witness within you, or your centered and non-reactive self.
This is the part of you that can observe the emotion or thoughts moving in your mind & body. Practice detaching from the story and watch it like a movie on a screen. Another way of doing this is to identify with the adult part of you, instead of the wounded child who is reacting instead of responding. Repeat 2 and 3 as needed.
5. Bring awareness to the feeling or the thought.
Every feeling has a corresponding thought or belief with it. Notice what you are telling yourself that is causing discomfort. From the witness perspective, ask yourself “Is this actually true?” Can you be 100% sure it is true? If you are, is it 100% objectively true all the time? If you can’t be sure it is true, or if it’s only true sometimes, move on below.
6. Ask yourself “What is a more empowering thought than this one?” Consider other ways to perceive the situation or experience, in a more positive light.
For example, you might find a belief that you have to change who you are to get along. If you investigate that, you’ll see that all of us will feel at ease with some people and not with others. You can shift that thought to a more evolved statement “I fit in with myself 100%, and I give myself permission to be me, fully.” From there, you can create more detailed empowering beliefs, such as “I have the authority to discern who and what is best for me, and the self respect to act on it consistently.” (The possibilities are endless).
7. Start taking the new actions that align with that more loving belief.
Remind yourself of this new belief whenever you find yourself sliding backwards. Make decisions that match your new beliefs, rather than the old, automatic ones. Then watch your life incrementally change for the better. It is a practice, but as the new thoughts become the dominant thoughts, your reality shifts accordingly… a step at a time.
I will continue to interview top coaches to support me. I have learned to focus on my positive qualities and have the courage to keep letting them shine… imperfectly.
What beliefs do you have that might be holding you back or creating unnecessary pain?
Take the 7 step process above and see how things change for the better.
Sending you so much love!
Rebecca